On Hold

Like most incoming college freshman, I spend a lot of time thinking about the upcoming year. At least once a day, if not more, I find myself day-dreaming about future classes/friendships/experiences, how I'll decorate my dorm, studying abroad, etc. But today was different in the sense that all, and I repeat, alll I thought about today was college. I woke about thinking about, spent my whole day reading blogs and watching videos about starting college, scanning the Pinterest college tag, and sitting around thinking about the future. I eventually just had to get up and take the dogs for a walk just to get myself moving. 

This summer feels like the 10-30 minute period before you need to leave to be somewhere; not enough time to start a long project, not short enough to just dwindle the minutes away on your cell phone. Just feeling stuck. 

So that's why I'm starting writing this blog again: to give myself a creative outlet and place to capture these thoughts as they come into play. I may start another blog to separate my high school self from my college self (which aren't too different yet, but we'll see). Orientation is Monday and Tuesday so I'll be back to share my thoughts about that soon. Later gaters 

More Friendship Appreciation

Something weird happened tonight. Good, but weird. I was running for my 5k training, finishing one of my cycles. Then I received a text from my friend asking me if I was home and that he needed me. So I ran back home and had changed when he pulled up. He and three other kids came in and told me they were on a scavenger hunt for their youth group. One of the things they needed was a friend who didn't attend the group, also known as me.

So the rest of my night was spent driving around the nearby neighborhoods, searching for things such as speeding tickets, pictures of clock towers, and Nintendo games. We actually ended up winning too! It was a ton of fun, and a great way to spend a Saturday night.Only bad thing is that all I've consumed since running 2.3 miles is 2 things of ice cream and three pieces of pizza. So currently I am watching Firefly and nursing a sick stomach.

The best thing about this night, though, was that it finally put some things into perspective. I have friends who love me and want to be around me. And those are the only friends I need. These fair-weather, convenience friends who treat me like dirt shouldn't be in my life: they aren't worth the time and energy. Please don't think you owe these people anything, the ones who like you when it works for them. Recognize who your true friends are and stick close, because those are the ones who'll never forgot you. Sometimes they'll even take you on wild adventures. Good night guys x

Days Left of BEDA: 17
Song of the Day: Radioactive by Imagine Dragons
Miles Run in April: 6.3

Art in the City

Hello bloggity friends. Today has been a pretty interesting day, but has left me exhausted. I already took two naps this evening, also leaving me short on time. Anyway, I spent today with my Studio Art class going to downtown Chicago to explore the Chicago Cultural Center and the Museum of Contemporary Art. Sadly, I don't have any pictures to show, but they are both very cool places to visit if you have the chance. 

The CCC does not just have art galleries but also houses a number of organizations like the Chicago Children's Choir. The building is actually the old Chicago Public Library, so it has lots of quotes about reading and knowledge from famous authors and names of prominent novelists commemorated on the walls. The architecture of the building is beautiful, but getting lost is incredibly easy. The winding staircases led to almost hidden galleries and collections. They host something called Project Onward which features artists with mental and physical disabilities and allows them to sell their art. The artists also have work space in the Cultural Center, where you can observe them sketching and painting. These works are incredible and a great example how no one should be defined by their disability. 

The MCA is a small museum on North Michigan. They had exhibits on the use of black and white color schemes, painting the void, as well photography. Painting the Void had a lot of projects that looked like destroyed pieces, such as a 12 x 12 foot piece of paper that had been painted gold, then slashed through and shredded. Another piece was a canvas with various objects on it that had bags full of paint at the top that the artist had others destroy to "make the painting bleed". The concept was so cool, I really enjoy destruction art. 

Well, the clock is ticking down (again). If I find some coherent thoughts about this tomorrow, maybe I'll continue talk about it. But I need sleep. Later friends. 

Days Left of BEDA: 18

Song of the Day: Bigmouth Strikes Again by the Smiths

Miles Run in April: 4

My Television History

I'm definitely more of a television person over films. Television allows me to watch characters grow and face interesting, new situations, while in a film, directors only have so much time and characters can only develop so much. Television has so many different options and angles with which to take a story. I've really gotten into watching new series and I wanted to talk about them today.

I first show I began watching regularly was Community. This show is about a group of students attending this anything-but-normal community college who form a Spanish study group. It stars Jeff (played by Joel McHale), a suave, good-looking lawyer who faked his bachelor's degree and is forced to go to school and earn it. It's incredibly unique, absolutely hilarious, and different from just about any other show on television right now.

After that, I began watching Castle, starring Nathan Fillion and Stanc Katie. Writer Richard Castle begins working with the NYPD to research for his murder-mystery novels, shadowing Office Kate Beckett, who loathes him. I started watching while the show was running it's 3rd Season, and have caught up since, and I am loving it. It has a lot of fluff episodes but when it does it right, it's fantastic.

I have also been watching Doctor Who, which I cannot explain without sounding a bit mad for like it. Go google it or something. I'll try and I write a longer post later on Doctor Who because I have a lot to say, but right now I am not a huge fan of the new episodes. The Rings of Akhban was better than The Bells of Saint John, but still, I'm losing hope. We'll see what happens as the series progresses.

Firefly is a show I watched so fast. I wish it was longer than 14 episodes. Stupid Fox. Firefly has one of the best fandoms, espically because the actors from the show loved it so much and always support the fans. (Also, Nathan Fillion makes lots of Firefly references in Castle and I love it :D)

My favorite show of all time, hands down, zero competition, is Sherlock. This show has everything: spectacular acting, brilliant writing, witty dialogue, beautiful cinematography. Though there are only 6 episodes, I have seen each roughly 6-7 times. I rewatch clips all the time because I catch new subtle things every time. In case you're wondering, my favorite episode is either A Scandal in Belgravia or The Reichenbach Fall. A Scandal contains my favorite scene of any show ever: when Mycroft and Sherlock go to the Morgue in St. Barts to confirm if Irene is the dead. a;lsjdlfjasdf. Going to watch that after I'm done writing.

I also enjoy The Big Bang Theory, The Office UK (free on Hulu!), Dollhouse (must finish that), Saturday Night Live, Fringe, Law and Order SVU, and classic Nick/Disney (which I wrote about yesterday). I hope to start watching Arrested Development, Buffy/Angel, The West Wing, Once Upon a Time, Misfits, and Being Human UK.

Hopefully this was somewhat interesting. What shows do you love/recommend? Please let me know! I love finding new shows to love :)

Days Left of BEDA: 19
Song of the Day: John Wayne Gacy, Jr. by Sufjan Stevens (again!)
Miles Run in April: 4

Nostalgia

Earlier today during study hall, my friend informed me that The Emperor's New Groove came out in 2000. That was so long ago! Yet it feels like just yesterday I was watching that in my family's animal-wallpapered toy room for me and my brother, sitting on an old futon that this kid I never particularly liked broke. That movie is hilarious and there is no movie like it. I think I can still quote most of it.

If you didn't realize this, I've been feeling quite nostalgic the last few days. I really miss the entertainment from my childhood (90's for the win!). All That, The Amanda Show, Monsters Inc., Cat-Dog, Hey Arnold, and The Lizzie McGuire Show are just a few of the gems I got to grow up alongside. I use to jam out to Maroon 5's Songs For Jane and, of course, Backstreet Boys and NYSNC (what girl didn't?).  While Maroon 5 has improved, the boy bands of today are no match for BB and NYSNC. Sorry Directioners.

Also being born in the 90s, I cannot remember a time when my family did not have a computer. My parents still don't understand technology that well, but my brother and I are both great with computers because they've always been there. My favorite games for the computer were Roller Coaster Tycoon, the Sims, and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (which was really hard to beat!) We also had a beautiful Playstation 1, along with my favorite console of all time: the GameCube. I still play those systems pretty often.

Concerning books, I read a lot as a kid. I basically taught myself to read and my brother and I read all the time. Babysitter's Little Sister (never liked the original, not sure why), the American Girls books, Ramona, and of course, Harry Potter. Things were great during the 90s. What did you grow up with? What makes you nostalgic?

Time to go pretend to care about Consumer Economics. Later gaters.

Days Left of BEDA: 20
Song of the Day: Cardboard Castles by Watsky
Miles Run in April: 4. Still. I'm really bad at this.

Overthinking

Hmm. Blog, I am at a lose today. I'm very tempted to complain about the things that I'm going through right now, but I don't want this to become an angsty tumblr read-more post. After watching a ZeFrank video, though, I do want to talk about overthinking.

He discusses periods of ease and comfort followed by periods of breakdown and reconstruction. Everything runs smoothly for a while until you start wondering whether something is wrong or could be better. Than false ideas start to build up, things created by that worry and fear that are often untrue. Those ideas then replace the true facts of the situation and suddenly, change becomes a necessity. Manageable roadblocks morph into  unbearable weights. This overthinking often occurs in creative pursuits or interpersonal relationships.

I often overthink my relationships with others, assuming that certain gestures or phrases from another person must result from something that I did. Then I scrutinize all of my actions around this person from the past week or so, wondering where I went wrong. Most of the time this internalized destruction has no reason to take place. When I have faulted the other person, however, then that part of me seems hideous and requiring immediate alteration. Or, if it comes to it, I assume that the problem could be because of the other person. The light that I once saw them in slowly changes, now relieving flaws that may just be a result of my overthinking. This affects the way I treat them, and often it is unfair. I've ruined some friendships this way.

Overthinking is fairly easy to do. Whether it's something small like what to buy for lunch or something larger such as career or living decisions, overthinking has the power to disfigure normal thinking patterns and warp simple logic. Do you struggle with overthinking? How do you overcome it?

Days Left of BEDA: 21
Song of the Day: Imaginary Friend by L'Orange
Miles Run in April: 4 (still slacking...)

Songs to Lift Your Spirits

The last couple of weeks haven't been my best. Anxiety has been a reoccurring problem over the last few years and especially in the last couple of months. When another wave of anxiety overcame me earlier today, I began withdrawing again. That's basically how I deal with problems. I withdraw from others. It's unhealthy, but it's easier than trying to maintain conversations or fighting back tears if someone asks me what's wrong. 

Through all of this, though, I have found certain things that help fight this pressure pushing through my skull. I wanted pass these tips on; maybe these will be of some help to others who suffer from this too. Today I'll share the music that keeps me up during this time. They are in no particular order, just a list of excellent, stress-relieving songs. 

• Hey Asshole- Watsky featuring Kate Nash (Really, anything by Watsky works)

I know I’m often told there is a pot of gold

but I don’t see no fucking rainbow when my coffee’s cold.

I know I should be grateful, I know I’m good and able,

but I don’t have the strength to get up from the kitchen table.

• Lost in My Mind- The Head and the Heart

Put your dreams away for now

I won’t see you for some time

I am lost in my mind

I get lost in my mind

Momma once told me

You’re already home where you feel loved

I am lost in my mind

I get lost in my mind

• Stubborn Love- The Lumineers

It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all

The opposite of love’s indifference

So pay attention now, I’m standing on your porch screaming out

And I won’t leave until you come downstairs

So keep your head up, keep my love

• The Sound of Silence- Simon and Garfunkel

Hello darkness, my old friend 

I’ve come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains within the sound of silence

• Casimir Pulaski Day- Sufjan Stevens

Sunday night when I cleaned the house 

I find the card where you wrote it out 

With the pictures of your mother 

On the floor at the great divide 

With my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied 

I am crying in the bathroom 

• Imaginary Friend- L'Orange

Our guardian star lost all his glow, the day, the day you said no. 

And oh-

Let your love grow.

Let your love grow.

• Low - Cracker

Sometimes I go and walk the street 

Behind the green sheet of glass. 

A million miles below their feet 

A million miles, a million miles 

I'll be with you girl 

Like being low 

hey hey hey like being stoned

• Dearest- Buddy Holly

Dearest, though you’re the nearest to my heart

Please don’t ever (ummm yeah) ever say we’ll part

You scold, and you are so bold

Yes together (ummm yeah) our love will grow old

(Ummm yeah) Our love will grow old

You may-ay-ay-ay be a million miles away

Please believe me (ummm yeah) when you hear me say

I love you, I love you

Come ho-o-o-ome, keep me from these sleepless nights

Try my love again (ummm yeah)

I’m gonna treat you right, (ummm yeah), I’m gonna treat you right

• Come on Eileen- Dexys Midnight Runners

These people around here wear beaten-down eyes 

Sunk in smoke-dried faces 

They’re so resigned to what their fate is

But not us, no, not us 

We are far too young and clever

• Adulthood- Jukebox the Ghost

“And I dare you to survive 

being grown for the rest of your life

From adulthood, no one survives”

Have a listen, see if you like these songs and let me know! Later guys.

Days Left of BEDA: 22

Song of the Day: Hey Asshole by Watsky featuring Kate Nash

Miles Run in April: 4